Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
