I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
