There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
