he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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