The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
