whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
