He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
