I look better un-naked...
Girls should come with a carfax report
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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