I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
