God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
