Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
