shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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