What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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