I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
