I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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