i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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