I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
