ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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