Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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