Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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