I smell stomach acid.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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