I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
