the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
