moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
