I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize