So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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