bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
