My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
