Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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