I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
