no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
