the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
