Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
