he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
