You don't have asthma, your pregnant
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
