you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
