I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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