After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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