He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
