All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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