i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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