I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
