You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
