I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
