dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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