I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
