The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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