Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
