Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
