I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
